On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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