I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
