How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
