2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
