Plan B is the new Plan A
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
