There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
