i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
