covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
