Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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