pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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