Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This baby is an asshole
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
