I smell stomach acid.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
