You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
