There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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