My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
