i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
