wakey wakey hands off snakey
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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