the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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