i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
