Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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