I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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