Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
