They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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