When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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