He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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