her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
