I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
