I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
