i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is it because I queefed?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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