even my farts smell like vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
