Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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