Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
