Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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