shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
