I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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