They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
