i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just invented taco cereal.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
