your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
