Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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