i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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