I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
