I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
not ubering you a puppy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
