the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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