You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bring me that man meat
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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