if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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