Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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