apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
