did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
