he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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