he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Found your dick twin last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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