I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
