The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
