and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
