wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i dont even know how to be here
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
