Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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