Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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