where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
