I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize