nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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