She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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