So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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