Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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