Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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