I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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