ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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