Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize