my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
