Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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