so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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