we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
