Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
