based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize