every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
