so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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