Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize