sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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