you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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