I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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