It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you win again, gameday.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
