I hate your face
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
