I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
