Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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