You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
