When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
