in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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