You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
