remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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