I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
