So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
