I just pynch a tree in the face
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
