you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
