I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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