just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
