It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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